Joy Carol - FRIENDSHIPS Handout
Ten Steps to Better Friendships
by Joy Carol, author The Fabric of Friendship
True friends are there for each other whenever they are needed to share triumphs and failures, laughter and tears. They want the best for each other, and they encourage one another to pursue their dreams and to find fulfillment. A quality friendship offers ongoing support, confidence, and many learning experiences. Good friends don’t have to worry that they will be misunderstood or disliked if they are too powerful or too weak, too attractive or too unattractive. They allow each other to be completely themselves. Their relationships weather differences, changes, craziness, and transformations. But meaningful friendship—the kind you can count on—are not simple or effortless. At times, they can be complicated and challenging. Here are ten questions that you may want to consider to help you have lasting friendships.
1. Do you know yourself? Self-awareness is a key ingredient to having lasting friendships. When you know yourself, you are more comfortable with yourself and can have positive feelings about others and your relationships with them.
2. Can you be flexible? If you are flexible, you can let go of expectations about how a friendship “should” be. Rather than rigidly trying to make things come out “perfectly,” you can accept yourself and your friends for who and what they are.
3. Do you really listen? When you listen with an open mind, you’re not running someone’s words through “filters” or thinking you know what is going to be said. And if something critical is said about you, you can decide if there is any truth in it.
4. Can you diversify your friendships? You may be disappointed, if you have unrealistic expectations about a “best friend” meeting all your needs. No one person can do that. Try having friends of different ages, races, religions, political interests.
5. Are you able to avoid assuming? Many women feel hurt because they make assumptions about things that have nothing to do with them. Whenever you assume the worst, listen to what was said, ask questions, and mull things over.
6. Can you not run away? Friendships aren’t perfect, and you might not want to deal with problems that come up. But if you stick around and try to understand what’s going on, you may discover that some barriers really aren’t insurmountable.
7. Are you truthful, but kind? If you aren’t truthful, your friendships will likely be rather artificial and they won’t stand the test of time. However, candor and straightforwardness require compassion. So learn to speak honestly, but gently.
8. Do you have a sense of humor? Laughter is good medicine and does help people heal. If you learn how to face problems with an appropriate sense of humor, you’ll avoid a lot of anguish and grief, and you might be a source of joy to others!
9. Can you be “tough” enough? Try to let words and actions that aren’t positive roll off your back. Don’t take them personally or allow them to hurt you. Try to think about what may have been the intention behind the words.
10. Are you able to swallow your pride? Although it’s difficult to do, when a friend hurts you, first try to understand what is really happening and not be judgmental. And if you are able to be forgiving, you may free yourself of a huge burden.
Adapted from Joy Carol’s book,
The Fabric of Friendship, Sorin Books, 2006
To contact Joy or for more information go to: www.joycarol.com or www.sorinbooks.com
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