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“Bonnie St. John has, against all odds, found great joy in her life. And rather than hoarding it...she generously shares the treasure. ”

— -- Jeanette Walls, author of The Glass Castle

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Are you smarter than a 14 year old? (Part I)

It all started one Saturday morning when Darcy’s cousin in New Zealand emailed this note asking her for advice:

Dear Darcy,

What is your secret to being so happy? I don't mean to sound blunt, but I don't really know any other way of putting it. When you come round to my place you always seem to be so happy about everything. You even like doing some of your homework and you even seem to enjoy school. I’m wondering how to be that happy because I've noticed a lot that I’m not a very happy person and I want to be a happier person :) Do you think you could give me some advice?

Thank you
From your cousin Andrew

Still in her pajamas and leaning over her Mac book, Darcy pounded out the following response in fifteen minutes:

To be totally honest, Andrew, I'm not always happy - especially as happy I am to be with you guys when I am visiting in NZ. I have my ups and downs just like everyone else.

Just last night I had a good cry and a good heart-to-heart conversation with my mom. It didn't solve all my problems, but it feels good to just let things rise to the surface and talk about them like that every once in awhile and let go of some of the stuff that's been building up. Honestly, I'll do that about every other month or so. It's not perfect, but for me it's almost like emotional spring cleaning - part of a process.

I don't think its possible to be happy 24/7, 365 days a year. It's healthy for human beings get upset, angry, grief ridden, guilty, jealous, and incredibly sad. I think the important thing is that having BOTH positive and negative emotions on a regular basis is "normal", "good", "healthy", etc. (it won't always be balanced, either).

It would be a BAD idea to try and appear happy all the time to vanquish your negative emotions, because its a better idea to listen to what they are telling you about yourself and then let go of them through constructive expression instead. At the same time, it is a GOOD idea to look for ways to make yourself happier on a regular basis.

Why do I enjoy homework?
Well, I don't always enjoy homework... it depends on what it is. Most of the time though, I think the key is making it fun, not pretending that it's fun.

Here's what I mean: say your assignment is to write a ten-page long research paper. One part of this is training your focus and your response. If your focus is on TEN PAGES, WRITTEN PAPER you're not going to have fun with this assignment at all!!! Who wants to write a ten-page research paper? That involves hours of writing and less gaming and hitting my head against a wall and research... wait a second.

Why is that so annoying? The writing (aside from other things): you're probably writing about something boring. The research: you're spending time and effort looking for facts that are ridiculously uninteresting.

Hmmm... Solution to problem? Pick something you are interested in writing about:
-    The cultural effect of computer Role Playing Games on New Zealand youth prior to the 21st century.
-    The relationship between the saxophone and the oboe in modern music.
-    How the evolution of the Elder Scrolls series reflects dramatically changing interests in the global gaming community. (I know you could write more than ten interesting pages about that Andrew.)

And when you don't have that choice, look for aspects or parts of your topic that are interesting. Become interested in whatever you're doing. Granted, this may not always be possible (i.e. quadratic equations may never hold any intrigue for you whatsoever, no matter what). But the point is to make an effort to enjoy your homework. Sometimes you will and sometimes you won't, but I think you will find over time that as you try to do it more and more, the more and more you will find yourself enjoying assignments.

Extra tips:
Avoid the group mentality of schoolmates who hate the assignments.
Look deeper than your first reactions or responses.

I guess the bottom line is, Andrew:

Choosing to be happy IS NOT ALWAYS AN EASY TASK. Sometimes, it's actually easier to complain, moan, be bummed out, irritated, and annoyed than it is to be happy. Even though it doesn't feel good, a lot of people choose to be negative 80% of time because they would rather feel that why than do the things that would make them happy.

And in some ways, that's a very selfish and very sad choice. For one, those people are giving up on their own well being. Also, choosing not to try to be happy takes a toll on the people around you.

(Continued in t